Start of November and thus I've been on this island over 11 months! In this country going on 1 year and 2 months. Thanksgiving and the other holidays fast approaching. Again. I think for thanksgiving this year us on the islands will be spending some time on one of the beautiful beaches here.
Christmas who knows yet? Depends alittle on our new volunteers too.
So lately what's happened.
I've discovered a few things.
I was wrong. I was proud when people tell me I think to much. "Darn right I do!" I thought. But I've discovered that work can be really healing too. I mean I knew it, but I didn't really know it, until now. Sometimes the solution isn't to sit on your friends figurative "couch" and discuss all your problems, cause its possible the problems don't have solutions, or there is no right solution, or if there is its impossible for you to figure it out.
I mean really I curse it, adult life. I feel like something in one aspect is spinning out of control (friends, relationships, money, work whatever), but everything else is barrelling ahead in a normal fashion, and you can't hardly pause to stop and fix that which is broken cause everything else needs your attention too. And I want the whole train to just 'STOP for a second!', so I can pause and catch my breath, but its like a juggernaut and everything just keeps going, dragging me along with it. But maybe its better. Cause when there is no fix, and you cant make it better, then the fix might just be time right?.
So I've been throwing myself into work lately, and I honestly think that this may be as right a solution to my personal dilemmas as anything else I will find. Granted I may not be as great at it as I would normally be in all aspects, but insome ways I'll be better. And its helped really. Keeps my mind off things I can't change and helps me focus on a thing which I can make better.
But as probably the entire rest of the world has done at what point or another, I asked myself why? Why God?! I asked that while examining the shambles of what I thought I had. And I think I got my answer yesterday. Was going through pictures of the renovations on the church at home and there was one picture of the inside of the church which was completely applicable. In the picture the entire inside of the church was torn apart and there was dust and workmen everywhere with power tools and people sanding and broken benches etc. The caption on the picture said something along the lines of how "some people would call this a MESS, I call it THE PROMISE OF GREAT THINGS TO COME". So here's to hoping again. The best wine comes last eh?!
The last 2 things are much less personal. But its really bout aid groups. You know after working on an international aid orgainization for a while, and seeing some people come and go and hearing different people talk, its really easy to question how much good international/foreign aid does. Is it really helping? I'm not sure yet, some definately not, some maybe. But one of the things that I don't question anymore is community groups. Sort of the hometown aid groups. Seriously and SERIOUSLY, I was wrong about them. Things like Lions Club, and Church Auxilory Groups and Kiwanis and Masons, and band clubs, and bake sales and food drives...even here in Tanzania, there is no question about how important those groups are and how much good the do. Thats what it really should be like. Really insome ways foreign aid is quite condescending and weakening. It reinforces the idea that people are disadvantaged, that they couldn't do it for themselves, that they need handouts or they'll never get better. And its arrogant sometimes on our part, thinking that people couldn't survive, couldn't figure it out, without us. But people in a community, no matter how small banding together to do something for themselves, thats never condescending, thats only empowering, and theres nothing that can engender in outsiders but respect. And no matter how small it is, and how silly it is in the grand scheme of things, its powerful. It matters. Its helping each other, combined with helping ourselves, and I'd be tempted to say its alot more effective than many of the things I will do or other foreign aid groups. It should be like that always and everytime if at all possible.
And finally with that thought in mind, I would just like to say, isn't it great. There are some amazing people in the world. Really! I feel like I get to meet SO MANY interesting people being here. Like I love how strange and thought provoking they are. And I have met so many small people and silly people and then I get frustrated, and then I meet someone who will change the world for the better. Who have such hope for and faith in the world and their work that you can't help but believe too. Or I meet a free thinker, who worked until she was 30 and then completely started school overagain to become what she wanted to be. And i just never quite realized how large a group the idealists and free thinkers, and adventurers really are in the world. I love it.

And finally put that all together, I have a project I am working on now to build desks for my completely overcrowded school so that 108 more students will be able to attend next year. If you are at all interested in donating, anything however small to the project I would be completely appreciative. Just contact me.

Thanks and love
Sarah